Struggle dynamics in relationships and why?
Often when we are facing challenges and struggles within our personal relationships, especially with our partner, we can feel that we want to either step back, run or give up. You may find yourself saying, ‘I can’t take much more, I want to be on my own to process what is going on, I don’t understand you, I don’t understand myself’, and you may even say ‘I don’t love you anymore’. When in fact there may still be feelings there, but the constant struggles are just causing over questioning everything and over thinking, which causes doubts, fears and other insecurities to arise.
It is in those times that it may be wise to step back, or take some time out from the relationship, so you can do some deep reflecting and soul searching on what you want to do. You can also write a list of pros and cons about relationship and your partner to see if it is worth fighting for or not. By having ‘time out’ you may find the right answers to your questions about the authenticity of the relationship, and will know exactly what to do.
Also, during challenging aspects in a relationship there may come times of wanting to see if the ‘grass is greener on the other side’, which can cause infidelity in some instances or a complete breakup without any closure, but this will just intensify problems that already exist that won’t help to ‘fix’ things, and if the relationship ends without closure it could impact problems in future relationships.
Why isn’t the grass greener on the other side?
Grass is not greener on the other side because where you are right now and how you feel, what you are experiencing, the challenges and learning lessons that you are facing will just follow you to the ‘green grass on the other side.’ It is important to heal any differences, and work on the struggles and challenges within the dynamics of your relationship. It takes both of you to work through everything that is causing unbalance, stress and other difficulties. Communication is the key, and it also takes both of you as individuals to take a good long hard look at yourself and what you both may be doing wrong that is causing the struggles and disharmony, and in some cases lack of love, to be made apparent. This is why communication is very important, you have to make time to sit down together, and be totally open and honest about everything; how you feel, what is upsetting you and why, and then you can talk about ways of fixing things if that is what you both want.
It could be that you have just ‘fallen out of love’, or just that the romance needs to be injected back into the relationship. It could be about trust issues, respect, or a feeling of being taken for granted. There are so many dynamics why a relationship can become unbalanced. What is important is to sense check with yourself on how you feel, and ask yourself, what you want and need (including what you feel is lacking), what you are willing to compromise on, what you will and wont tolerate, what changes you both need to make? and then you have to ask yourself if you will accept your partner for who and what they are, if you can’t then perhaps it is a sign that you need to let go and move on.
How to balance and heal a relationship
A balanced healthy relationship is one of freedom; freedom to be individuals (which doesn’t mean infidelity, it just means freedom of being yourselves within the realtionship) and freedom to love one another as you are able. Everyone gives and receives love differently, and it is our differences that make us unique and interesting.
You can’t make someone love you. Love is given freely and openly. You can’t expect your partner to change, they have to want to change, but you can change if you feel it is needed for self, which could be about learning to trust more, healing self-love and self-worth for example.
Your relationship can heal when you both take responsibility to come together in an ‘interpersonal’ relationship, which means being individual but also in a union, not easy, and can take time to balance the dynamics of a relationship to bring harmony, contentment, total trust, freedom, strength and love.
Sometimes even though you may love your partner it may be in both of your interests to let them go. There is that saying, ‘Let love go and if they come back they are meant,if not they were never meant.’ Other times it may just be about not taking each other for granted, and to inject communication and romance back in.
Should you stay or should you go?
If you are trying to decide on what to do, whether to stay or go, follow your heart, your heart knows the way, and let the grass where you are right now heal and flourish. Plant flowers, give it water, nurture it with love, and then the love within yourself will reflect outwards to attract love back to you.
Love and Blessings,
To share experiences, or if you have a question about this article please leave a comment and I will get back to you soon x
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