Power and Control struggles within Relationships

ancestral healing

The dynamics in relationships can cause power struggles, and control issues to surface. Sometimes this is from one partner, or it can come from both partners as they try to gain power and dominance over the other within the relationship.

This usually happens when the lack of accepting the other as an equal can arise, or just for dominance and control within the relationship. These power struggles tend to happen when there is inner issues that need addressing such as lack of confidence, low self-esteem, not feeling good enough, lack of self-worth and self-love, which can play out as trying to gain control over the partner through narcistic qualities such as manipulation, control and even bullying tactics that can cause the partner receiving it to become powerless as the perpetrator gains control and power by taking their partners energy in order to make themselves feel better.

When the partner receiving this treatment doesn’t understand what is happening, and why, and tries to amend their partners behaviour this can then cause themselves to try to gain power and control within the relationship by trying to change their partners ways, which can cause further power struggles to arise and even arguments, or they become totally deflated and begin to feel unworthy, not loved, not appreciated, respected or loved, which gives the partner taking the power to feel even more empowered.

How can the power and control issues be stopped?

These patterns can be broken when both partners become responsible for their actions and reactions, and embrace their own inner power for self-empowerment and not to use it to control and manipulate their partner. Balance is key, and can take a long time to rectify when power and control issues are within the relationship. Patience, acceptance and open communication are key to resolve these challenges, but can only happen when one or both partners can see the power struggles and take responsibility to start to address their inner issues that cause these power and control issues, and change their behaviour.

Power is about dominance over another or an area of their life they wish to feel in control of. When they learn to let go of trying to control others, and situations in their life, this will at first make them feel like they are losing total control of themselves, and their life, and can cause them to lash out, and become angry at first. Over time, and when they take responsibility for their ways, and can see that power doesn’t and isn’t about controlling their outside life, but is about controlling their inner self and not to inflict domineering ways on to those close to them then they can start to address their inner issues that have been causing their power and control issues over others and their life, and take necessary changes to heal and change their behaviour. A big learning lesson is acceptance.

This acceptance is also an important point for the one receiving the domineering ways of their partner, because they have a choice to either accept and tolerate things as they are, or they don’t. You can’t change your partner, if they have these power and controlling tendencies it is up to them to begin to address their issues so they can change their ways, not you. Yes you can help them to see what they are doing is wrong and damaging to you, themselves and the relationship, but they will only start to listen when they can see this for themselves and want to change for themselves.

If you can see they are making changes, and they stop trying to control everything, and you, then there is a chance the relationship can heal, change and balance, but if not, then you have to think about your self-worth and respect, and perhaps end things. It is not easy when you love someone no matter what they do, but it is very important to look after your wellbeing and your sanity. If you are constantly put down, misunderstood, not appreciated, shouted at, and feel like you have to walk around on ‘egg shells’ and be someone you are not just to fit in with what they want, then perhaps it is time to stand up, reclaim your power, and make necessary changes for you, which may mean to end the relationship.

Listen to what your heart and mind is telling you to do. Don’t put up with what is insulting you, and making you feel ill mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Don’t fit in just to appease your partners wants and needs, or stay because you fear being on your own. If your partner really loves you they will treat you with respect, honesty, loyalty, understanding, kindness and love. They will love you for you, and if they don’t, then there will always be someone else who does.

Love and Blessings,

Wendy x

If you would like to share your experiences and how you over come these challenges please feel free to share, or if you have a question please leave a comment and I will get back to you soon x

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